Wow...

Ok, so I basically completely forgot about my blog for nearly six months. Oops.

There's no way that I can remember everything that's happened in the intervening time, but I will try to summarize.

First of all, I now weigh 167...that's a 148 pound weight loss. I have lost nearly half of my body weight, and I feel GREAT!

I can eat pretty much anything I want now, within reason. I experience dumping syndrome from time to time, usually when I push things too far with a food that I'm unsure of. For me, the most common food reaction I get is a mild nausea, followed by extreme sleepiness. I've actually caught myself using food as a sleeping pill! It's the strangest thing...

I've also discovered that I have no desire for fatty or sugary foods. They simply don't appeal to me any longer...in fact, even though I CAN eat fast food now, the few times I've tried it, it's absolutely disgusting to me. Yay! I used to pretty much live on fast food (which is partially why my weight was so out of control), and now just the smell or sight of it disgusts me. And sugary foods are way too sweet for me - the sweetness is too intense, just makes my mouth pucker.

I've developed a citrus craving. I love lemons, especially, and use fresh lemon juice and zest in just about everything I cook.

I'm not supplementing, and I haven't been since before my stricture fiasco. I just stopped because of the extreme nausea, and never restarted. That's bad, and I'll end up malnourished if I don't fix that. I had my labs done last week to check, and luckily, my iron, calcium, and B-vitamin levels are still where they should be, so I haven't damaged myself yet. I need to get back on the supplement bandwagon.

On a similar note, I can't STAND the protein powders now. The flavors are just plain nasty to me, no matter which flavors I try. I have a hard time forcing them down, so I don't even try anymore. I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing - I'm not sure how much I need the protein.

I'm still only able to eat a few ounces at one sitting, and I have yet to experience hunger. My relationship with food has changed SO MUCH since the surgery...I mean, food used to rule my life completely. I was always thinking about what I was going to eat and when I was going to eat it. Hunger drove me. It's odd that such a dominating force is just...GONE. I eat just for taste and energy now. I rarely have cravings, and when I do, they're short-lived and easy to get past.

I will try to update more often! I have more to say about how my body image, self-esteem, and energy levels have changed...but this post is already too long!

Sorry...

Yeah, I know, it's been a while since I posted. I've been crazy busy...my husband and I are getting ready to move (tomorrow, actually), so I've been very occupied. I've also been working massive amounts of overtime for the last month, and house-hunting, and job-hunting. I'm pooped.

So. I ended up not getting the third dilation. I discussed it with my surgeon, and we decided that since I was doing better, he'd rather err on the side of caution and not have me be stretched again.

I'm actually glad we decided that. I'm getting better and better at eating, and while I'm still limited in what I can eat, I have more choices than I did before. I still don't feel hunger, so I don't have a snacking problem like I used to. More often than not, I forget to eat.

I'm down to 236 pounds, so I've lost 80 pounds, effectively. I've gone down some sizes, depending on the clothing. My mom bought me some new clothes a few weeks ago, because everything I had was falling off of me. I still have more to go, of course, but I'm feeling much more comfortable in my skin. Now I just need to have some energy to start toning some of this flab! Because I eat so little, it takes very very little to completely exhaust me. I'm nervous about loading up the UHaul, because it's just myself and my hubby doing it, and I don't know if I have it in me to carry the heavier stuff. Hopefully I can start dancing again, and get some aerobic exercise that way. I could start going for walks and whatnot. It's hard to plan when you don't know what your schedule is going to be like - once we're settled in in the new place, and with our new jobs, I can figure out an exercise schedule and regimen...and I plan to.

Look at this...another update!

Since my last dilation, I've been doing pretty well. I can actually eat now! I still have to be very cautious about what I eat, and I have to chew up everything VERY carefully, but I have a lot more freedom now in what I can and can't eat. That doesn't mean that I can just eat whatever I want; it means that I'm where I should be - having to test foods one at a time to see if they make me sick. And whether things make me sick changes on a daily basis. Some days I can eat quite a bit (for me - like three ounces in one sitting), and other days just a bite or two before I'm uncomfortable.

I've discovered that I can eat pasta, as long as it's well-cooked and small to begin with. I'm especially enamored of orzo, the pasta that looks like rice. It's nice and small, cooks up very tender, and doesn't make me sick at all...and I can tell when I'm getting full, so that I don't overeat. I had some grilled vegetables at a restaurant the other day, and they went down just fine. I'm staying away from bread for now - I have no idea if it will make me sick or not, but it's so darn bulky that one bite will fill me up. I can eat popcorn just fine, rice, chicken, and softer vegetables. Joe cooked up some diced squash the other day to put in with some orzo, and it was great. I'm fluctuating between 246 and 248 pounds right now, so I'm just under a 70 pound loss. I want the weight to start coming off again, but it's awesome that I have SOME variety in food again. I've experienced dumping syndrome several times, usually when I eat something that has sugar in it that I'm unaware of. It's NOT pleasant.

I have another dilation scheduled for next week, and that will be my last one. Actually, the doc will be checking me out with the camera, and if I've shrunk back down at all, she'll stretch me a little bit. I'm going to talk to her beforehand to determine where her cutoff is. I don't want to get stretched out too far, because it would negate the benefit of having the one-ounce stomach capacity. I also don't want it to shrink back up over the next few months and leave me in another sticky situation.

In the meantime...I'm having ginger chicken for lunch!

Ack.

So, yeah...my stricture had shrunk back down...not down to 4mm like before, but from 12 to 9mm. So she stretched me to 15mm, and I have to go back in three weeks and do this all again. I am able to eat some things now, but I'm still being very cautious. I'm still scarfing my sugar-free popsicles, because those taste so good, and they don't make me feel sick at all...and I'm getting some of my fluids!

I had some labs done later that day, and it turns out that my potassium is extremely low...so I need to go buy some bananas. Good thing I like bananas.

I have a cold, and I'm dizzy and achy, and I want to go to bed. I wish my boss would let me go home.

Oh, and as of this morning, I'm at 248 pounds. I'm down 67 pounds since April 11th. w00t!

Here I go again...

Today I have my second dilation of my stricture. Right after the last procedure, I was able to eat, and I loved it! That only lasted a few days, though, and I suspect that the stricture is tightening back up again. I will be leaving for the hospital in just a few minutes.

I haven't been adjusting well to the new eating habits. I'm having trouble figuring out what I can and can't eat, and I've been getting sick a lot as a result. I'm not sure if that has to do with the stricture or with my body, so we'll see what the doc has to say today.

Off to the hospital!

Solid food

I've had my ups and downs. I can eat SOME solids, but it's on a case by case basis. I react to some things, but not to others. I haven't been eating the way I should - that is, I'm supposed to be trying one thing at a time to see how I react. Instead, I've been eating little bits of multiple things, so if I have a reaction, I don't know what caused it. I'm going to stop doing that. I'm full-on into the adjustment phase of this thing, and if I'm going to adjust properly and learn how to eat, I need to do it the right way. But I know I can handle rice, now, so Joe and I bought me some rice, and some salsa to mix with it (once I determine whether I can handle salsa). I can also handle tomatoes and cucumbers, and I love to mix those two with salt and a little vinegar. Mmmmm...

I had my procedure this morning...and I have pictures!!

So, yeah, the stricture was only 4mm across. That's WAY too small, and no wonder I couldn't get food down. The only unpleasant aspect of the entire procedure was the IV - the nurse who inserted it wasn't too good at it, and she had to poke me twice. The second time was painful...and it still hurts pretty bad. I'm going to have a beautiful bruise!

They gave me Versed to knock me out, and it worked. I don't recall a thing. And it was a nice, pleasant sleep, not the bludgeoned feeling I get after a full anesthetic.

I have been stretched out, but she wants me back in two weeks to look at it again, and possibly stretch it again, in case it rebounds. However, I have some ulcerations occurring, and I have to start taking Prevacid. We stopped at Safeway on the way home to fill it, and it cost $45. Ouch. While at Safeway, I bought some chicken noodle soup, and ate some when we got home. It went down just fine! YAAAY!

Better today...

I'm doing a little bit better today. I haven't eaten anything since my last upchuck yesterday morning, but I've been forcing the fluids. I'm bound and determined to keep myself hydrated during all of this. If I start having trouble with fluids, I will have to call the surgeon and I would likely have to go to the hospital right away.

My weight loss has slowed drastically. I'm down to 264 pounds, and it's taken me a week to lose four pounds. Before that, I was stuck at 267 for two weeks. I'm really hoping that the procedure next week will fix things, so that I can start getting some energy into me. The pounds will come off a lot faster if I can actually move my body around - and that's hard to do when you've got zero energy!

Stress...

I am having an endoscopy and dilation next Wednesday, the 7th. It is an outpatient procedure, but I will be put under for it. Because of this, I am not allowed to drive home afterwards. So, once again, I need someone to drive me home from the hospital. I am desperate. I have to have this procedure in order to start getting actual calories into me, but they won't even do the procedure if I don't have someone else with me who has a driver's license. I just don't know very many people over here...my support is all over on the other side of the mountains.

Oy...

So, today is NOT GOOD. I definitely have a stricture, and I don't need any camera down my throat to tell me that. I've gotten sick twice in the last two hours, both times from foods I've had before, that worked fine, and that are LIQUID. I had two bites of oatmeal, and got sick. REALLY sick. Usually when I get sick, it's a relatively minor thing. I gag once or twice, the food comes back up, and I get on with my day. Not this time. This time I was praying to the porcelain goddess for nearly ten minutes. Same thing with the one bite of smoothie I tried. I feel drained. And now I'm afraid to try my juice...

More whining...

I vomited again last night after having a bite of fish that my husband was eating...and I've been able to eat the fish before. Yet another indication that things just aren't right in my plumbing.

That's the first time I've gotten sick in about a week...because I've been sticking to baby food, pudding, and oatmeal. The problem that I'm noticing is that I can eat less and less, and I'm really having to force fluids to try to get them down. I'm really hoping that the GI doc I see next Tuesday will be able to help me. Because I'm not getting enough fluids, my weight loss has slowed drastically.

So, today, I have been REALLY pushing fluids...and I've gotten more down today than I had in the past two days combined. I just mixed myself up another bottle, and trying to push more. I weighed in this morning at 268...so I'm down 47 pounds since the surgery.

Have a great holiday weekend, everybody!

Possible solution...

Just got home after seeing my surgeon. He thinks I have a stricture, which means that I've grown too much scar tissue on the incision between the stomach pouch and the intestine, and now the opening is too narrow. That explains why things I could eat before are now giving me problems.

So, I need to be dilated...which means an overnight stay in the hospital. I guess they have to go in and stretch it back out again. I have an appointment with the GI for a consultation next Tuesday; after that, we'll schedule the procedure, she said for the following day. I'll miss a day or two of work...

Hopefully that IS the cause of my problems, and this will solve it.

Blargh...

So, yesterday I had a little bit of a banana and berry smoothie...but I just could not stomach very much of it. Then, for lunch I tried some onion soup...which came back up. After I got home, I had some sugar-free popsicles, which did ok. Then I tried some toddler fruit snacks...which came back up.

This morning I am trying something different. I am drinking some ginger tea, since ginger supposedly soothes the digestive system. I am also eating some oatmeal, which usually works pretty well for me. Hopefully the ginger will keep me feeling all right, as well as getting some fluids in me!

I have my appointment with the surgeon next week...wonder what he'll have to say to all of this?

Ok, ok...

I haven't been posting, because I'm busy, I guess.

I'm still struggling with what I can and can't eat. Here's a list of the foods I can eat so far: peanut butter in small amounts, oatmeal, applesauce, baby food, broth, smoothies, sugar free popsicles, white fish in very small amounts, jam, pudding.

Things that didn't work: olives, cottage cheese, rice pudding, tapioca pudding, yogurt, salad, bread, cheese, pasta, veggies of any kind, cream of wheat, crackers, mashed potatoes, beef, onions, tuna, cereal, cream of wheat.

Things that KINDA work - they make me feel icky, but they stay down: peanuts, almonds, popcorn, whipped cream.

Bananas work as long as they're blended in a smoothie...actually any fruit works as long as it's blended in a smoothie. I actually had a pickle - pureed. I got the taste of it, but not the satisfaction of the chewing.

See the pattern? I am doing ok with things that are basically liquid, no thicker than applesauce. Anything thicker than that makes me feel horrid and comes back up. I'm not struggling with nausea any more, it's just that I react to most foods now and they don't stay down. I'm not getting all my fluids in, either, and I need to do something about that. I'm basically getting by on about 300 calories a day...which is where I was before I saw the surgeon. I have very little desire to ingest food, because I'm afraid of getting sick...but at the same time, I'm TIRED of my limited selection.

I went to the store today and picked up more sugar-free popsicles. Those I really like, and so far I haven't gotten tired of them. At least I'm getting some fluid and a few calories from them! I also got some almond milk, which is similar to soy milk. Hopefully that will agree with me, because that's got some nutrients and protein in it.

I really like the Progresso soups with veggies and noodles...I wonder if I could eat those if I pureed them?

So, as of this morning, I have lost 40 pounds, and it's been five weeks since the surgery. That's awesome, I think!

I've also been struggling with really bad breath, and nothing I do seems to alleviate it. It's just nasty, and that makes me want to eat even less! I honestly think the biggest thing I'm struggling with is the need to chew and swallow. I have this need to chew, swallow, get full, and then get hungry again...and I can't do any of that. I haven't felt hunger since the surgery, and it's very hard to get used to eating nothing but mush. I just want to sink my teeth into something...that's just one of the psychological side effects of this surgery that I wasn't prepared for.

I see the surgeon again in less than a week, and so I can talk to him more then about all of this. I can also ask about when I can begin exercising, because I need to keep up my health during all of this. I don't want to lose all my muscle mass!

I will try to remember to post more often!

Yay!

Well, the doctor's suggestions worked. I have been eating oatmeal for breakfast since Tuesday, and it's working out great. I'm also able to eat peanut butter, peanuts, etc. Those, and soup, are now my basics. I've upped my calorie intake from less than 200 to 800, and I'm feeling so much better! I've got my energy back, and I feel like my old self again.

The only supplement I am currently taking is my multivitamin, because that's what the doc recommended. He wants me over the nausea before I go back to the supplements. That's fine with me!

The funny thing is, now that I'm eating, I'm having trouble with my protein supplements. They taste horrible to me now! I need my protein, so I'm not sure what to do.

Grrr...

STILL struggling with nausea. I've been getting in less than 200 calories a day, NONE of my protein, and NONE of my supplements - and very little of my fluid. Sometimes, I haven't gotten in any calories for several days in a row. I had my post-op with the doc today (officially, I've lost 25 pounds in three weeks, so yay!) and we discussed my problems. He mentioned that I'm having much more trouble than is average after this surgery.

So, here are his suggestions: stop taking all supplements except for my chewable multivitamin. Work really hard on getting in 700 calories a day. Take Reglan if needed. He said to try oatmeal, peanut butter, and nuts. Nuts, especially almonds, are high in fiber and calories, but are stuffed with the good stuff, too, and will be very beneficial in helping me get my calories in. I hadn't even THOUGHT of oatmeal...DUH. He strongly suspects that my nausea and general malaise is because I'm getting so few calories.

So, I got a fatty prescription for Reglan - 40 tablets, with 4 refills - and got some groceries to try to help me get some calories in. I was feeling awful when I got home, and my stomach was gurgling ominously, so I took a Reglan right away. Now it's about 20 minutes later, and I'm starting to feel better. I hope to goodness this is the answer! Now, on to some almonds! Wish me luck...

ER

Yesterday I went to the emergency room. I called my surgeon and told him about my extended nausea. Because it had been so long since I had been able to keep anything down, he told me to go to the ER and get fluids, and an upper GI to make sure there wasn't a leak.

Looooong story short, there was no leak, and I was discharged 8 hours later after receiving two liters of IV fluids and nausea medications - one of which I had an allergic reaction to. I now have anti-nausea medication to take if the nausea reoccurs. I am taking today off of work because the doc told me to, but I am trying to get some schoolwork done in the meantime to prevent me from falling even further behind.

I feel much better today, but I haven't tried to eat anything yet. I've been drinking fluids.

Hopefully my boss doesn't get fed up with me about all of this.

More adjusting...

I have been battling nausea for the last three days. I haven't been getting my fluids in, and on some days, not even my protein. I have developed a problem in taking my supplements; they are simply too large, and they make me sick when I try to take them. I threw up today after taking my mid-morning vitamins.

The result of no fluids, no supplements, and little to no protein? I've GAINED two pounds. What the hell? How on earth is it possible to NOT INGEST ANY CALORIES WHATSOEVER for three days, and gain two pounds?!?!?

To remedy the supplement problem, I found my B-complex in a liquid form online, and ordered that. I found my calcium in both a powdered, water-soluble form and a chewable form. I ordered one of each to try. I will still have to take my vitamin E in a monstrous pill, but everything else is reasonable in size and I should be able to handle it. We shall see. Until that shipment comes in, I won't be taking anything but my chewable supplements, because three days of nausea just SUCKS.

I am trying hard to do my protein and drink my fluids, but it's just hard when your stomach feels awful. I'm hoping that it's related to the supplements, and that by not taking the pills, my stomach will settle down. **fingers crossed**

Oops.

So, yesterday I went back to work, a week after the surgery. I pushed it a bit too far, and ended up going home halfway through the day. Yay for pain medicine!

I'm back at work today, taking it easy, and taking my pain meds to keep up with it.

Some of my adjustment issues: I dislike taking my Calcium and Vitamin E supplements, because they are HUGE capsules. And I have to take a total of 6 of the Calcium a day and 2 of the Vit E a day, so it can get difficult to choke them down. I'm looking into some Calcium chewables I found on Vitalady. They cost a bit more than what I'm currently taking, but it really is hard for me to choke these things down 6 times a day. The only issue is that my current Calcium caplets also include Magnesium, while the chewables don't, so I'd have to take a Magnesium tablet to make up for it. But even WITH that, it would be six chewables a day, and one Magnesium tablet, instead of 6 capsules that I can barely swallow. And the Magnesium tablet is much smaller than the Calcium, so I wouldn't have a problem taking it. But now I have to justify spending money on the chewables when I've already bought the capsules! Hmmm...

I don't think there's anything I can do about the Vit E. I have to take the dry, powder variety of Vit E, and it's hard to find in that form. I have to take it how I find it.

I'm still on the pureed diet. I can't eat solid food. I confess, I've cheated a couple of times. One night, my husband had broccoli for dinner, and it looked and smelled SO good that I couldn't resist. I LOVE broccoli. I stole a few little crowns and just made sure I chewed them to death before swallowing. I was fine for those. I've also tried Velveeta Shells and Cheese, carefully chewed...my stomach didn't take too well to that. My husband made some pasta the other night with these tiny little round rings of pasta - called Salad Pasta - and he spiced it up the way I've always loved, with the dry ranch dressing mix. I had a couple of spoonfuls, and that went down just fine. Encouraged by these successes, I did something stupid yesterday. I've been craving fries and cheese something fierce...so I went to McDonald's. I got a small fry and a cheeseburger. I can't eat the bread, so I took two small bites of the meat and cheese, chewed carefully, and swallowed. Everything seemed to be fine. I ate five fries and chewed them to death. The flavor was divine!

About an hour later, I got sick. That was not pleasant, and I think I'll be staying away from burgers and fries for a while. I should probably just stick with the pureed diet...I mean, it's only another ten days before my follow-up appointment with my surgeon, when I'll be cleared for solid foods.

So, I'm 9 days out from the surgery, and 22 pounds lighter! It's coming off so fast!

Adjusting...

Well, the pain is subsiding quickly. I am still on the oxycodone, but I have decreased the doses, and I am able to go for longer times between doses. The irritation and pain in my pouch is decreasing, and it is becoming easier to get my protein in. I am still working on getting all of my liquids in; it is very difficult to drink 64 ounces of water a day when you can only drink an ounce at a time. The important thing is that I AM working on it.

I still have not experienced hunger, but I am definitely battling cravings. I see commercials with fatty foods and my mouth waters. I have become a member of several Yahoo groups dealing with weight loss surgery, and on one of them, the members have been posting like crazy about all their favorite foods that they can't eat any more. They describe these horribly greasy foods, and my mouth waters. Even if I could eat these foods, I'd be able to have like two bites before I became full. Like I said, I'm not hungry, I'm just craving the flavors. I am craving fries and gravy in particular (one of the foods being discussed on the board).

I am going back to work tomorrow. I'm feeling pretty good about it, and they need me. Now I just need to plan things out so that I will have my protein there with me. I guess if I just take a tub of protein to work and leave it there, I'll be set. I've been mixing my protein in a regular water bottle and just shaking it, so all I need is the protein, a funnel, and the bottle. I already have a pill planner all filled up with my supplements, so I'm set there.

I kept up on schoolwork, mostly because of all the working ahead I did. Now I am at the same pace my classmates are at. Hopefully I can keep up the faster pace, because I liked being ahead!

Dang, I'm REALLY craving cheese all of a sudden, and I don't have anything cheesy that I can eat. Hmmm...